Robots Are Coming for Us, So Be Nice to Them
Have you ever met a Roomba vacuum cleaner you didn’t like? Probably not. The adorable pancake-like vacuums stoically clean our homes — never asking for praise or recognition for their tireless efforts. In fact, they’re like the perfect pets: they eat our crumbs, clean our messes, and they don’t paw you in the face every morning.
You even find yourself watching them and thinking, “aw, look at that little guy go.” Or, you find yourself leaving the light on for them at night or worrying that they might get lonely cleaning all by themselves (oh, really, that’s just us?).
Still...dramatic pause...that is exactly how the robots will get us. They’ll lull us into a false sense of security and companionship, and then — just like with a Roomba — we’ll discover that they’re really mapping the coordinates of our home and preparing to kill us. In fact, if the Roomba kills us, then all it needs to do is wait for our bodies turn to dust and then vacuum us up...and no one will be the wiser.
Thankfully the beloved 80’s franchise, The Terminator, prepared us for a robot apocalypse. We’ve been planning for the uprising since we learned about August 29th, 1997 — Judgement Day — the day that Skynet became self-aware. We may have survived the original Judgement Day (and Y2K, phew!), but if Terminator is any indication of what’s to come, then we’re still headed towards a future ruled by robots.
So, in honor of our metal overlords, we want to praise our 5 favorite robots. Hear that Roomba? We love robots, so please don’t kill us in our sleep.
1) Kill All Humans: Bender
Futurama’s Bender Bending Rodríguez, also known as just Bender, is the wise-cracking, cigar-smoking, and alcohol-guzzling robot of the lovable Futurama space crew.
He may hate humans (at least all the humans besides his best friend, Fry) but we can’t help but love him. He has secret dreams, too, (like becoming a folk singer) and he gets embarrassed just like us! In fact, he once said, “I’m so embarrassed. I wish everybody else was dead.”
Underneath that hard exterior, he’s really just a softie like us (except maybe a little bit more of a sociopath).
2) I’m Sorry, Dave: HAL 9000
Poor HAL (or the Heuristically programmed ALgorithmic computer) from 2001: A Space Odyssey. He may have ultimately gone rogue and killed some of the space crew, but it all came from a place of fear! We promise. He made a few mistakes and the crew wanted to shut him down.
Poor HAL didn’t understand the concept of being turned off. He feared death, just like us.
The last scene when Hal is being shut down and he comprehends “my mind is going” makes us ugly cry every time.
3) Where’s WALL-E
Whoever said robots don’t have hearts obviously never met Pixar’s WALL-E. WALL-E is one stand up robot.
He spends centuries cleaning the polluted Earth and — in the process — becomes self-aware and learns to love even the smallest creatures; he befriends Hal the cockroach, fiercely defends the small plant he finds, and eventually falls in love with EVE. All he wants is to love and to be loved.
If WALL-E wants to take over the world, we’re okay with that. He’d be a wonderful robot dictator; one that keeps the world clean, reminds us to love nature, and teaches us to care for defenseless creatures.
4) The Droids You’re Looking For
Whether you were an R2-D2 fan or more of a 3-CPO admirer, Star Wars always had the best droids in the galaxy (like K-2SO, BB-8, and L3-37).
Still, we all know that R2-D2 is the best droid of all. Not only is he the cutest one, but without him the entire Star Wars saga wouldn’t have been possible. Who smuggled Princess Leia’s “Only Hope” message? R2-D2! Without R2-D2, Luke Skywalker and Han Solo would never have known the galaxy needed saving.
Plus, we think 3-CPO is annoying. We’re okay if R2-D2 takes over the world, as long as he leaves 3-CPO at home.
5) Beards Are Always Cool: Star Trek’s Data
Star Trek’s favorite android, Data, may not be able to feel emotions, but that doesn’t stop him from trying to understand them!
The quirky pale Starfleet robot struggles to be human and fit in with his peers. He even grows a beard to appear more “intellectual” to his fellow Enterprise coworkers (who are kind of jerks about it).
We feel for you, Data. Peer pressure is tough. And that beard totally made you look cool.
So, Judgement Day may have come and gone, but we still know that robots are lying in wait — quietly vacuuming our homes and stealing our hearts — and preparing for the ultimate uprising.
We hope that they see the awesome DBH Star Trek FanShop or a Design By Humans robot shirt and know that we love them though! Hear that, Roomba? Tell all the other robots we love them!
