Zompocalypse Now!

Pop culture has had zombies on the brain for a loooooong time, and if you’re affecting tv ratings at all, you probably have too! Anyway, the new season of The Walking Dead starts soon, and if you aren’t ready for the zombies to come out the tv and eat you, you should probably start thinking about it!

Here’s a list of things your survival depends on when preparing for the zombie apocalypse (or the new season of TWD). These are pretty basic, I know, but trust me if it ever happens this is what you’ll be happy you stockpiled!!!

1. Clean Water You’ve got to have water and/or a water filtration system available or you will die. Remember in The Hunger Games, Haymitch tells Katniss that a huge percentage of kids in the games die because of dehydration, hunger (duh) or overexposure! (yes I’m a super nerd) Anyway, running out of water is probably your number one worry since infrastructure is gone and all that.

2. Shelter Overexposure is probably the next threat; there are lots of structures left, but zombies populate a lot of them and it’s much harder to break out of a house when zombies are surrounding it than it is to run away in open country. In this situation, traveling to the warmest country you can easily get to is a good move. Also you need to learn how to construct a rudimentary structure out of whatever is around you. Nature is your friend! (kinda)

3. Food Of course everyone needs food, and there are tons of grocery stores in the cities which probably have a fair amount of canned food. But the cities aren’t very safe, and you don’t want to risk it except for perhaps the quick occasional desperate run….which means you have to have a way to hunt. Bringing us to...

4. Weapons The cool one! Of course you have to have weapons, but which ones are the best ones for fighting zombies? Well, anything that can shoot from a distance is going to be good; so guns, check, crossbow, check, arrows, check, long swords or knives could work. If you’re like me, and super paranoid, you realize that guns run out of ammo and then become virtually useless. This doesn’t mean you throw away the guns. It means you make bayonets. Yep, it’s the 1800s and we need a gun that can shoot AND stab so we can still use it in close combat. Gnarly. Anyway, be cool, basically just BE Daryl and call it a day. Weapons help you kill zombies and hunt, so they’re super versatile and most importantly, they’re COMPLETELY NECESSARY FOR SURVIVAL.

5. Basic First Aid Knowledge If you know how to doctor yourself, you will be in WAAAAY better shape when you’re surviving a zombie apocalypse. Running around with weapons and zombies all the time can cause a lot of open wounds (see Carl). This means that you have to worry about everything getting infected; if you at least have basic knowledge of cleaning and dressing wounds, you’re much more likely to survive. But it’s not enough just to know how to deal with open wounds, you might also need...

6. Antibiotics (or medicine of some kind) You may not need medicine every day, but if you’re running around escaping from zombies with open wounds on you, there’s a huge risk of infection. Finding the right medicine to stop the infection is the only way you’ll live (short of amputating the affected area...and again, when you’re running from zombies any disability is immediately amplified). Of course there’s also the threat of illness, and it’s definitely more likely that you could die from even a cold in this kind of situation, but who knows if you can actually get your hands on the right medication or if you’d know what it was if you did. The ideal situation would be to gain some knowledge of herbs and plants that have healing properties; there are all kinds of ways to get this information even after the apocalypse happens, they just won’t be easy. Find books, find research hospitals; only problem is they’re in the cities with the walkers.

7. Transportation In this type of situation, having a way to run away that’s faster than simply your feet would be great. This isn’t World War Z, the zombies aren’t faster than you. If you’re in a car and can find gasoline from time to time, you’ve got a decent shot at finding a place that’s safe-ish, just by the sheer distance you can cover! Find an SUV and this time, be Tallahassee!!

8. Other People Like it or not, (I hate it so much), you need other people to survive. I’m not saying it’s impossible on your own, but it would be much easier to have a support system. For one thing, if you’re camping in the woods, you might need someone to watch your back so you can each get some sleep. If only to not go crazy talking to yourself, you’ve gotta have other people in your life. Unfortunately that means you need someone to be in charge too and that’s kinda how people get shot and stuff (see the Shane/Rick fiasco).

9. Killer Instinct So as much as you need other people, you also need to know when to cut them off….literally. You have to know when you can save someone, and when them dying is the only way that you’ll stay alive. Survival is the end goal, really. And while it’s ideal to keep everyone alive, the main thing YOU have to focus on is that YOU stay alive, so keep that in mind. Unless you feel like sacrificing yourself for everyone (or someone else feels like sacrificing you--think Shane sacrificing Otis). Sometimes it really is kill or be killed!

10. Life Purpose Let’s get real...after a while, running away from zombies could be really boring and sad. I mean, for a while survival instinct kicks in, but if you don’t have something else to live for besides constantly running, that might get old. The whole “other people” thing helps out because if you have someone else to protect, that’s a cause to live for. Anyway once you get someplace safe-ish, you’ve got to have hobbies and a purpose and stuff.

There’s my list of top things that you’d need to survive when the zompocalypse happens. You’ve just got to get it together and kick ass with all your long distance weapons and water and food and survival skills.

Check out The Walking Dead t-shirts here and sport your favorite shirt when you watch the premiere of the show!!

They’ll be waiting for you October 23rd!! (the zombies...)